Love on Wheelz

“We can take care of ourselves, you know?” My sister and I were waiting for my best friend, Rodrigo, in the car.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” She had offered to take me and Rodrigo–who was in town for spring break–to a strip club. But I could tell she didn’t really want to go and wondered why she’d offered in the first place.
“No. I don’t want you guys to go alone. Strip clubs are sleazy.” She’s always been way too overprotective of me. She holds my leg in the car for fear that I’ll tip over, even though I’ve never come close to tipping over in the car.
“I promise we can take care of ourselves.” I was hoping she would just say, “Okay” and let us go by ourselves. While I did want to go, I was nervous about going with her. I mean, who the hell goes to a strip club with their sister? What if I get a boner and she sees it?
“No, you guys are too naïve.”
“Fuck you,” I said with a hurt look on my face.
Rodrigo got in the car and we were finally ready to go.
As we got farther and farther away from the house I realized that this was really happening. I was going to a strip club with my sister. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, and she’s very cool, but “strip club” has never been on my list of things to do with her.
“Dude, are you gonna get a lapdance?” I asked Rodrigo, trying to distract myself from her presence.
“No, I don’t have any money.” He shrugged.
“Oh, come on. I’ll buy you one.”
“No, dude. I have a girlfriend.”
“If she was a cool girlfriend she’d come with you,” my sister chimed in, then announced, “We’re here!” just before he could retort.
Right there, behind a used car lot was a big pink neon sign that read, “ALL NUDE GIRLS: Best girls in town!”

My heart was ready to explode out of my chest and hide under the backseat. The entrance was covered by a black curtain. Behind it was a smorgasboard of naked women just waiting to be objectified– my penis’ innermost desires.
As soon as I rolled through the curtain I saw four tall, long legged strippers in thongs with their backs to us. Holy shit, I thought to myself. I didn’t know what to do. What is proper etiquette in this situation? My gut instinct was to stare, and I did, but I quickly turned away. As if they could see me out of their asses.
My sister turned to me and smiled as she as she took the money out of my wallet to pay the cover charge. I couldn’t look her in the eye. I felt like something was wrong. Something dirty.
We took our seats in front of the stage where a brunette was dancing to some shitty hip-hop song. Holy shit! She’s naked! I thought to myself. I tried to act cool, but my heart was pounding. The only time I’d seen naked women was in porn (the time I walked in on my mom in the shower doesn’t count). They seemed so strange and exotic on my screen. It was almost like they were not real. Like a made-up character created to excite us. Like Harry Potter, only more erotic (not that there’s anything erotic about Harry Potter). But now… now they were there. Right in front of me.
“Are we going to be buying him lap dances tonight?” A girl came up behind us and asked my sister. I’ve never understood why people talk to the people helping me instead of me. Like I must be retarded or something. I think even retards can answer simple yes or no questions. What surprised me was that girls who take their clothes off for money were too shy to ask me.
My sister looked at me, “Uh…”
I thought about it for a second. I still wasn’t used to the idea of women publicly dancing naked for my entertainment. “Maybe later,”
“Okay, honey.,” she said cheerfully and walked away.
“Why not now?”
“I think someone is nervous.” Rodrigo sing-songed.
“No no. I just don’t… want one right now.”
At that moment, a particularly out-of-place stripper went on stage. She wasn’t fat, but she had somewhat of a belly. She had black hair, wore emo glasses and sported pig-tails. Not stripper pigtails, but super short ones. She seemed nervous and uncomfortable. I got the feeling that that was her regular everyday appearance, not her stripper persona.
“Ugh.” Rodrigo exclaimed.
Suddenly a blue light started flashing and a siren wailed.
“IIIIIT’S TIME FOR OUR BLUELIGHT SPECIAL. THREE DANCES FOR THE PRICE OF TWO. PLUS TWO MOVIES! GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT.”
“Will you guys be taking advantage of our specials tonight?” A perky voice behind me interrupted.
“Uhh…”
I thought about it for a second. IT’S A SPECIAL! DOOOOO IT!
“Okay.”
“Awesome! Follow me. I’m Holly Barbie, by the way.”
All three of us got up and followed her. She had short curly red hair, brown eyes and an awesome body. She led us into a small room with five red velvet couches.
“I’ll be right back,”
My sister sat down on the couch in the corner, Rodrigo on the one next to it and I backed into the space between them.
“So, uh… What movies did I get?” I asked my sister.
“Um… Facial Cumshot Queens and Facial Cumshot Queens 2.”
“I don’t want ‘em. I can’t exactly ask mom to put it in the DVD player. You can have them.”
“What the hell am I gonna do with them?”
“I don’t know, you want ‘em, dude?”
Rodrigo shook his head.
“Give them to a friend, sis.”
“Fine.”
Barbie came back in,”Alright, sorry about that.”
She looked at my chair, trying to figure out the logistics of the lapdance. She decided to back in to me and started dancing. “So are you enjoying yourselves?” She asked as she rubbed her tits on my chest.
“Uh, yeah.” I said, not knowing whether to look at her eyes or not. Or if I should smile. I didn’t want to come off as creepy or anything. I was trying to look casual, but I’m sure I looked scared and awkward.
“Yeah, everyone here suuuuuper nice.” She said while rubbing her ass on my crotch. “So is this your first time at a strip club?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.” She said, “So do you live around here?”
“No, uh… I live in [redacted].”
“Cool! Me too!” she said excitedly.
She pressed up against my chest and pulled on my vent tubing, making it pop off.
“Oh, let me get that.” My sister chirped.
“So you’re his nurse?”
“Yeah. He’s my brother too. I went to nursing school so I could get paid to take care of him. I just finished, actually.”
“OMIGOD! I’M IN NURSING SCHOOL TOO!” She said excitedly, accidently making my vent pop off again. “Oh, I got it.” She said, popping it back in. Damn it, why can’t I get nurses like this?
They started talking about nursing school and other such nonsense while she finished the dance.
“Well, it was great meeting you guys!” She finished by giving me three kisses on the cheek.
“Yeah, you too.” We said in unison.
“Do you want to go now?” My sister asked.
“Yeah, I’m out of money.”
My sister went ahead to open the van, leaving Rodrigo and I to talk.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah. We’re definitely coming back.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Without my sister though. She’s cool and all, but… you know.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Let’s go home. Seeing naked women makes me tired.”

This entry was posted on June 5, 2008 at 7:32 pm and is filed under Blog. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.