Love on Wheelz

(Part I)
“So, what are you doing this weekend?”
“Don’t know, probably taking my daughter to a barbeque.”
This is weird…Everything is white.
“Oh?”
“Yeah… It’s a school thing.”
I’ve never dreamed during surgery…
“That sucks, you’ll miss the game.”
“Yeah…”
Wait…
“Oh, careful, you almost nicked the artery.”
“Whoops, that would’ve sucked. Heh.”
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I tried to scream, but no noise came out. I felt a strange hazy fog around me. The anesthesia was still affecting me because I couldn’t feel any pain.
Is this what happens when you die? I DON’T WANT TO DIE!
I started shaking my head wildly, trying to alert Mr. Barbeque and Numbnuts that I was very awake and very aware that my back was sliced open and my spinal cord was in full view. They didn’t seem to notice. No one was paying attention to me. I was just a body. A job. They would probably go home right after they were done with me. First they’d inform my family of the outcome.
“There were complications, we turned your son into a bumbling retard. All he’ll be able to do is say his name.” They’d say, feigning sadness. Then they would get in their Mercedez, drive home and fuck their wives.
Bastards. The lot of them.
Ow. I felt a sharp prick on my feet, curled my toes and fell asleep again.
I was walking on a giant rainbow road, not unlike the one in Mario Kart. It didn’t have any side-rails. I had to get off or I was gonna fall into an empty black chasm. The road started bending down like super strong toilet paper. It went all the way down to the floor. My mom turned around on the road started going back up and I turned into an empty chasm. Except I was alone now.

* * *

All the rooms in the hospital are small and cramped. There’s a green couch that pulls out into make-shift bed. The bed is much too small; A midget would have trouble sleeping on it. It’s right next to the window, too, so anyone sleeping there wakes up at the first sign of sunlight. The patient’s bed is in the middle. Like some sick sort of centerpiece. An ugly glass china vase. “Handle with care” stamped on its forehead.
“Hi, sleepyhead,” my sister cooed
“My back hurts.”
“Duh”
“I’m okay?”
“Yeah, it went great”
“Where’s mom and dad?”
“They’re exhausted. I’m staying until Rodrigo gets here to spend the night.”
“What time is it? Maybe I can still catch the Pad–” She cut me off.
“What time? More like what day.”
“What?”
“You’ve been out for two days, honey!”
“WHAT?!”
“Well… not out out.”
She looked at me, waiting for permission to continue.

“The doctors kept you doped up on Vicodin and some kind of forgetting medicine. They said the pain is too much at the beginning. It’s funny…” she giggled, “I helped a nurse give you a bed bath, and when I turned you, you screamed, ‘You have betrayed me! YOU TRAITOR!’ at me.”
“Uh… sorry about that”
“YOU’RE AWAKE BROTHER!” Rodrigo said as he almost jumped on the bed, but remembered that they had just shoved 32 metal rods in my spine. “I brought your laptop and the Lord of the Rings.”
“Which one?” I asked.
“All of them”
“Well… I guess I can go now.” My sister kissed us goodbye and left.
“How are you, dude?” Rodrigo asked, “Does your back hurt?”
“Duh.”
“Like, really bad?”
“Not right now, no. It’s more like a dull pain”
“Let’s watch the movie”
“But it’s 10!”
“So?”
“It’s three hours long”
“You’re such a grandpa… grandpa.”
“Fine”
He put the movie on and I fell asleep 15 minutes into it.
I was in a tower. A watch tower. I was climbing a never ending winding staircase. Everything was green. An evil absinthe-green dragonfly. Asian ladies flying at me, trying to stop me from climbing to the top. Then I realized the tower was the hospital ward. “We’re never going to let you out,” the head dragonfly cackled.

* * *

I woke up to a nurse checking my vitals and horrible back pain.
“My back hurts.”
“How much?”
“A lot.”
“On a scale of one to ten…”
“20.”
“I’ll get you some morphine.”
She took five minutes to get the morphine. It was a long five minutes. I wanted to move and writhe and twist and turn. The pain intensified. It felt like there was an old man squeezing my spine. Crushing it into little bone fragments and stepping on the pieces. You like that, sonny boy? I tried to cry. I wanted to.
“Here you go, hon.”
OhsweetJesusIlove youwoman. I wanted hug the morphine. It doesn’t matter morphine is liquid. It can morph. It can morph into a big pink fluffy ball of bliss. The more you hug, squeeze and embrace the fluffy pink fluffy ball, the better it makes you feel. You get addicted to it. It’s hard not to. I started asking for it every few hours. It didn’t matter that sometimes the pain was tolerable. Morphine was making me happy.
“We’re gonna have to gradually take you off the morphine and start you on Methodone.”
The Methadone was horrible. It gives you nausea as soon as you take it. It twists and does somersaults in your stomach. Worst of all, it gives you déjà vu.
“I’m going down to the cafeteria to eat. I’ll be right back. Your aunt will stay with you,” my mom told me.
At that moment, I was hit by a truck-sized realization. I’ve seen this before. This is how I die. She leaves and I die. I’ll go into cardiac arrest or get un-plugged or fall off the bed and break my neck.
“Please don’t leave!”
She turned around and looked at me. “What? Why?”
“If you leave I die.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
“NO! I mean literally. Don’t leave!”
“Now, don’t be selfish, honey,” my aunt interrupted. “Your mom is tired and she’s been with you everyday. Let her go eat. I’ll be here with you.”
“No, bu–”
“I’ll be back in a bit.”
You stupid, stupid bitch. Don’t you get it? I dreamt this. I remember this. I’ll die because of you, you dumb bitch*… Oh my god, I’m going to die. I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to die. I haven’t gone to college yet. I’m not ready… You stupid bitch. It’s all your fault. Oh my god, why is my heart going so fast? It’s gonna explode out of my body and splatter on the wall. I’m hyper-ventilating, I’m running out of oxygen. I’m gonna suffocate. The bed feels greasy, I’m gonna fall off just like I thought. All thanks to you, you stupid bitch.
“See, honey? You didn’t die.” My mom came breezing back into the room.
I could’ve.

* * *

They were moving me from the ICU to Intermediate Care. I was almost out. For some reason all the nurses in the Intermediate ward that night were Asian. That’s not hyperbole. They switched me to a much better, comfier bed. They gave me a sleeping pill.
I woke up and half the wall was gone and a sign was up reading, “Under Construction”
“AAAHHH DAD! DAD! DAD!”
“What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Why is the room under construction?”
“What are you talking about?”
I focused. The room went back to normal. “Nevermind.” I went back to sleep.
I was in a western ghost town. I walked into a saloon. Everything tasted like sawdust and vodka. But I was a little kid again. My life had reset. Someone had pushed the restart button on my life. I was going to re-live it knowing what knew then. It was a wonderful feeling. A 2nd chance to do things differently. Like a cheat code for life.
“WAKE UP! You’ve been asking me to use the ambu-bag all morning,” my mom said. “We get to go home today”
It was the first time I’d been out in two weeks and the sun hurt my eyes, but I didn’t care. I was free from that horrible place. At home, Rodrigo came bursting through the front door yelling, “You’re home, brother!”
I smiled.
Yes I am.
———-
* Let it be known that my aunt is a very sweet lady and I love her.

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