Speechless
“Whose tits do you like better, mine or his?” She thrust her chest forward while pulling her shoulder blades together.
It was an easy question, really.
Whenever a girl asks you to choose between her boobs and your guy friend’s man pecs, any answer between, “Yours” and “Let me motorboat the pointy orb thingies” is acceptable. Hell, even “His” is fine if you say it jokingly. What is not acceptable is looking as though she asked if you like being anally fisted while sucking on a horse penis. “Uhhhhh…” is not the right answer.
“Hey, I have chest hair.” Nick said, trying to sway me. While he made a good point, my answer still laid resoundingly beneath the female’s shirt. But I was unable to say anything. My mind was blank. It was only for a few seconds, but it seemed like hours. Her smiling at me, me staring back like a retard at a disco ball. I saw Nick waiting for me to speak out of the corner of my eye. Neurons fired signals from my brain to my mouth telling it to move. My mouth fired neurons back to my brain requesting something to say. Signals were crossed, messages not delivered and nothing happened. For those few seconds of eternity, all functionality was paralyzed.
Even after the moment passed, I continued to dwell on it. Everyone around me talked and socialized, but I couldn’t participate. I didn’t know how. I’m not in those situations enough to know. It’s not something that you can learn by reading about it, and, believe me, I have. It’s like a sport, you can read about how to throw a pitch or run a route all you want, but you’ll never be able to do it until you go out and practice it a hundred times, and you’ll never master it until your practice it thousands of times.
That’s one excuse: I haven’t been in social situations enough. But sometimes I can’t help but think that I’m broken somehow, fundamentally flawed. I mean, I had friends when I was little and I did fine then. What happened to me between then and now? I think I lost touch. All the surgeries and problems… But it may have started before that. In 7th grade I was told that I came across as snobby and stuck up. I was just very quiet. No one said anything in previous years, so what happened then? Why couldn’t I make friends after I lost the ones I had? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I don’t know the answer and I wish I did.
Did I never have that ability?
July 2, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Everybody goes through situations where they think of the perfect thing to say exactly 10 seconds after they should have said it.
I like your writing, and would enjoy tossing back a few with ya, if only to try to get you to relax some. Don’t feel like you have to say the right things. Just say something, even if it’s just “sorry,” with a pained expression. If you’re feeling adventurous, follow it up with, “this is hard for me.” I guarantee you people won’t chop your head off. Anything is better than nothing. I kind of know what you’re going through. It’s hard to get the “hot girl” alarm bells to stop ringing in your head long enough to put together an appropriate reply.
There’s nothing wrong with your social skills, believe it or not. Everybody’s got these battles to fight. Hell, even Tucker Max at one point thought he was never ever going to be able to keep a real relationship. He was wrong, and so are you.
If you need proof, look at your blog. Even though you can’t do it yet, you can still talk about it and want it. That means you’re capable of achieving it. If you weren’t so capable, you wouldn’t even be able to understand what being social means. Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes.
You’ll get better at it eventually. Slowly but surely. And you’ll never stop getting better, until you give up on life. That’s the great thing about life. It’s always going to push you forward. You just have to let it.
July 7, 2009 at 5:10 pm
This line grabbed my attention: “In 7th grade I was told that I came across as snobby and stuck up.”
In response, Thomas Paine once said “We may as well assert that because a child has thrived upon milk, that it is never to have meat, or that the first twenty years of our lives is to become a precedent for the next twenty.” In other words, who we were and what OTHER people defined us as at 13 means nothing and doesn’t determine your future. You choose who you are.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to gloss over the fact that this is hard. I still tell myself sometimes, “Who am I kidding. I’ll never be a billionaire. I’m still the kid who failed math. I’m still the kid who cried and wrote about in her diary the hottest guy in school who hated her, who made up lies to get people to like her, etc. I’m fucked up and will always be. Why do I even try, only to embarrass myself?” But at the end of the day, this is wrong and doesn’t mean that we can’t be good people or be different in general.
Also, it’s hard to take feedback seriously sometimes, but look around you have a Rudius Media site, and a lot of popularity with people who are more accomplished, mature, and generally worthier people than the average 18 year old. Can you say the same of the people you are longing to be friends with in your personal life? No, because these people are pretty often shallow and shitty but have some exterior image of something else. Maybe I’m just bitter, though.
Your site is hilarious and has a different perspective on life. Don’t forget what you’ve accomplished and let others affect your emotions. It does no good.
Take care!
Rachel
July 8, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Congrats on your Alexa ranking. I think this is the first time since you put up your site that it’s been below the one million mark. Props!