Love on Wheelz

“Text Roxanne that we’re on our way, please?” I asked Nick as we got into the van.

“Yup. So where are we going today, Ms. Daisy?”

“I was thinking something like Sunset Cliffs?” It’s exactly what it sounds like. Big ass cliffs overlooking the ocean where you can park and watch the sunset.

“Sounds fun.” he said with a knowing smirk.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing, Casanova.”

“Fuck you.” I said with a half chuckle. I hadn’t really planned it as a romantic “date”. It was just something that I like doing that I thought would be fun. I didn’t think of it as a date either. Truth be told, the idea never even crossed my mind. I wasn’t calm, but I wasn’t nervous either. I was… focused. The way you are before a big math test. You know how to do the problems, you just have to make sure you don’t make any stupid mistakes.

“Hello, miss. Your Cloud 9 shuttle is here.” Nick said as we pulled up beside her.

She smiled and hopped in, “Hey, hun.” she said as she kissed me on the cheek. “Where we going?”

“Raul thought it’d fun to hang out at sunset cliffs. That okay with you?”

“Yeah, sounds fun.”

She started telling us about her work. How she didn’t feel welcome there because of her gender, but that she didn’t mind when customers flirted with her. And she even wore tank tops to show a bit of cleavage.

“So if a customer like Raul came in and grabbed your ass, would you care?” Subtlety is not one of Nick’s stronger points.

“No, not at all.”

“There’s your green light, buddy.” he said without missing a beat. I just chuckled nervously. We drove west until we ran out of highway. Then went down a dingy street filled with old houses, cheap apartments and liquor stores. The street started curving to slowly reveal the Pacific. There’s something very humbling about the sea. It’s so fucking vast and empty. It’s the only place—aside from space—where there are no human settlements. It makes you realize just how much you don’t matter outside of your own little universe. And how, in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter whether or not I did well with her or not. The world would not stop spinning if she didn’t like me. And it wouldn’t turn into Eden if she did. I relaxed.

“So you wanna get out or…?” asked Nick.

“Umm… yeah, That’s kind of the point.” I said, looking at her for validation.

“Yeah, let’s go outside and look at the ocean.” So we did. It was windy and after sunset, but it wasn’t nighttime quite yet.

“I think wearing this dress was a bad idea.” she said, holding it down with both sides She was fighting the wind and the wind was winning. She grinded her teeth and squatted to try and negate the effect of the current. It didn’t work. A hard gust swept in and did a Marylin Monroe on her dress. “OMIGOD!” she screamed as she struggled to put it down. “Damn, Raul’s getting a show here.” she said jokingly.

“Hey, I don’t mind.” The wind was my friend.

“I’m sure ya don’t!”

“He really doesn’t.” quipped Nick.

It was getting cold, “Do you want a blanket?” I asked her.

“Do I want to flash you?” You’d think she’d be disgusted, but she wasn’t. She had an almost excited look on her face. In hindsight, I should have just let her misunderstand me. But you don’t get that benefit in those situations. Tom Brady, I am not.

“Hahaha, no. Do you want a blanket?” I said, enunciating more.

“Ohhhhh, heh. No, I’m fine. Can I have a cigarette?”

“Sure.” People are always tentative about smoking around me. If my parents were there, they’d say to at least blow the smoke away from me. But I don’t give a shit, I enjoy the smell. Plus, I’m a fucking rebel. I tell friends they can smoke around me.

“Mind if I take a puff?” I asked. I’d never had a smoke while sober, but it sounded good.

“Are you sure you can do that, bro?” Asked Nick.He looked a bit worried. He was still at the point where he was getting used to me.

“Yeah, no problem. Just one puff.” I took the longest and deepest drag I could. Being drunk must supress my taste buds, because I had never noticed the horrible aftertaste. It penetrated my entire being and it took all my strength to fight off my gag reflex.

“You want another puff?” Asked Roxanne. Nick looked worried.

“Nope…” I said, trying my best to keep my composure, “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I made a mental note not to smoke when sober again. It got dark and colder so all three of us huddled into the van. We started talking about our lives.

“So are your parents divorced?” she asked.

“Yeah, since I was 14.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Eh, I don’t mind. They were always fighting and yelling at each other. At least they can tolerate each other this way. Well… semi-tolerate each other… in really really small doses. What about you?”

“My dad left my mom when I was little. He lives somewhere else. He was in Las Vegas one time, and my sister and I were going to visit him, but he said he wanted to be with his girlfriend more. So…”

“That sucks.” said Nick.

“Yeah. I resent him, to be honest. I just want him to love me.” Everything went quiet. I mean, what the fuck do you say to do that? People aren’t usually that honest or self-aware. It surprised me. I certainly didn’t expect it from a petite twenty year old party chick. She transitioned into another, lighter topic. Party stories; I don’t know how it happened. Good conversations are like that.

“So I’ve been talking to this guy for the whole party. And he’s okay, you know. So he asks me, wanna come with me to the bathroom?”

“Classy.” goes Nick, “Not even a bedroom?”

“I know, right? So he asks me, right. I go, sure why not.”

“That’s your answer?” Nick chuckled, “’Sure why not?’ I love your excitement.”

“Well, he was… whatever. But, anyway, we go into the bathroom and start making out. And we make out for about 10 seconds. I turn around to fix my hair ’cause it’s all messed up. I turn around and the guy already has his pants down.”

“What, no foreplay?” I asked.

“Yeah, you gotta give me something more than that. So I look at him, smile, pat him on the head and walk out.”

“Wow.” Nick and I said simultaneously.

“Yeah, it was a totally bitch move. I feel really bad about it, too.”

“No shit, the poor guy is probably in therapy.”

“Hell, I’d be traumatized.” I added.

“Yeah, my friend told me that was a bitch move. I agreed.” she laughed.

Eventually we got to talking about the meaning of life. Nick said he wasn’t sure, he’s bumbling around and trying to make the people around him happy. Roxanne said she just wanted to be happy and a good person.

“So what do you think is the meaning of life, Raul?” she asked. From an evolutionary perspective, it is to propagate and benefit the species. Philosophically speaking, the meaning of life is completely subjective. You can’t assign one meaning to six billion free thinking individuals, it makes no sense. Everyone needs to find their own meaning and pursue it. All of that went through my mind in a span of three seconds. But I didn’t want to start geeking out in front of her just yet. So I went with a simpler, much shorter answer.

“Sex.” I said. They both chuckled.

“I like how you bring us back around. From serious to sex.”

“I’m gonna go outside and get some air.” Nick said, “Call me if he needs anything, Roxanne.” He really didn’t need fresh air, I knew that. He was giving us “space”.

“So what do you want to do when you grow up?” I asked her. I don’t feel grown up, I don’t think anyone ever does, they just get better at pretending.

“I think I want to be a nurse.”

“Cool. You can practice CPR on me.”

“Hahaha. You’d like that wouldn’t cha?”

“Only a little bit.” I said smiling.

“So, can you drink?”

“Yeah.”

“I wanna get you drunk sometime.”

“Ha. Yeah, anytime.” It was getting late, we had been talking for about for five hours.

“I haven’t had this great a conversation in a long time.” she said, “Seriously, none of my friends are as smart as you. I’ve had a great time tonight.”

“Thank you, me too.” I hadn’t talked to anyone that long in forever. I needed it. I needed the human connection. Not having someone your age to talk to wears on you. It makes you feel broken and alone. Why won’t anyone hang out you? But she made me feel okay for the first time in a while. Her phone rang, it was 1 am and her mom wanted her home.

“Did you have a good time tonight?” asked Nick after dropping her off.

“Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Colburn.”

He laughed, “Anytime, Daisy.”