Love on Wheelz

“You want to give her the doll?” asked Nick.

“It’s not a doll, it’s an action figure.”

“It’s Fry from futurama dancing in a disco costume.”

“Action figure.”

“Well, you bought it for her two weeks ago. Are you gonna give it to her tonight or wait ’til you make sure she won’t keep flaking on you?”

“No. I bought it for her because I like making people happy. I have no conditions on my gifts. I don’t care if I don’t see her again after tonight. That, and I don’t have anyone else to give the damn doll to. I don’t want to get stuck with it.”

“I thought it was an action figure?”

“Whatever. Drive, Freeman.”

I tried to be even headed and not get excited about seeing her. Getting excited almost ends with disappointment for me. But I couldn’t help it, no matter how hard I tried. It wasn’t even the fact that I liked her that had me excited, it was more that I could see myself getting better. For the first time in a long time, I was confident in myself.

“Raul, where am I going?” asked Nick.

“Uh… make a… left?”

“You have no idea do you?”

“I have some idea.”

“You’re lost aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not.” I said sheepishly. I was.

“I can’t believe you’re lost in your own neighborhood.”

“It’s dark! You can’t see any landmarks.”

“Uh-huh. What about all those times you got lost during the day?”

“Flukes.”

“You give horrible directions.”

“Do not.” I pouted and sulked as I looked for any indication of where to turn. “Oh, oh, turn left!”

“Left?”

“Left.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“You better be right, or I’m not taking directions from you ever again.” He turned left, right onto her street.

“BAM, MOTHERFUCKER! BAM!”

“Fine, you live another day.”

10:30 – We pick her up and exchange hellos. There’s that awkward beginning of the conversation where you’re all trying to find something interesting to talk about Nick breaks the ice with a simple, “So what’s been going on with you?” I always overthink the simplest shit.

“So where do you want to go?” I asked her.

“I don’t know. Let’s just drive around. I just gotta be home by twelve.”

10:32 – “So what’s been going on with you?” asked Nick.

“Umm…” she thought about it for a second. “Oh, I kinda like this guy…”

“Oh yeah?” My heart sank.

“Yeah, he came into my store and I was ringing him up. He had really beautiful blue eyes…” Asshole. He’s probably a blue-eyed Nazi. “So I ring him up and he starts walking away, and all of the sudden, he comes back to me and goes, ‘So are you seeing anyone?’”

That’s it?! That’s all it fucking takes? Blue fucking eyes and that dumb line? All this time and all I needed were blue contact lenses?Fuck that guy.

“So I gave him my number and we went out. The thing about this guy, is that, I told him he has beautiful eyes, and he kind of just laughed it off. He didn’t compliment me once the whole night! I’m not asking for much, just throw me a bone once in a while, you know?” I took mental notes as Nick talked bad about the guy.

“And, “ she added, “he hasn’t made a move yet.”

“Why haven’t you made a move?” I asked. Sometimes I ask questions that I really shouldn’t be asking

“Well, fear of rejection. I don’t want to look like an ass.” This baffled me. Girls don’t get rejected, they smell too nice.

10:40 – “Oh, make a right here.” she said, “There’s a park right here we can hang out in.”

Now came the hard part, giving her the present. How is it hard? Well, normally, you’d just go, “Hey, I bought you a present.” Then give her the present. It’s no big deal, you are the cat’s pajamas. But I have to go, “Hey, Nick. Can you give her the thing?” And then watch awkwardly as tries to figure out what the thing is while wearing a look like I just asked him to calculate the distance from the earth to the sun in nipples.

“Oh, the thing.” He said. If I were her, I’d be reaching for my pepperspray. He finally took it out and gave it to her. Her face lit up like Hiroshima.

“This is so awesome.” she said, “And thoughtful. This is honestly one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Come here.” She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed a littled.

10:45 – We’re sitting on the park bench and she’s smoking a cigarette. Nick gave us privacy by making excuses. I don’t remember much of that conversation. All I remember was the feeling of complete satisfaction I had with her.

10:47 – Nick comes back and, somehow, starts talking about what his dream girl is like. After he’s done describing his mythical perky breasted alcoholic nimphomaiac, Nikole asked me what my dream girl looks like.

“Well, she’s short and a brunette and she’s smoking a cigarette.” Incredibly cheesy? Yes. But it worked.

“Awww!” she gave me another kiss and hug. Putty in my hands, my dear readers. Putty in my hands.

We talked some more about trivial stuff like how to properly dispose of a body (you cut it up into tiny turd sized pieces and flush it down the toilet) for another hour.

12:03 – She looked at the time and asked us to take her home.

“Don’t forget your doll.” said Nick.

“Of course not.” she said with it in her hand. “I’ll never forget it.” she said as she got out. I smiled at her as I remembered why I liked her. She had a way of making me feel special.