Love on Wheelz

I was pacing frantically in room. Well, my room isn’t big enoughto pace in, so I was really just going in circles. She was coming over for the first time in a week and this was the night. I remembered the hurt and disappointment, and I didn’t want to feel like that ever again. In this case, the devil I knew was worse than the devil I didn’t.

So I spun and I rehearsed my very awesome confession of undying love. It was an oratory masterpiece on par with Jerry McGuire’s “You had me at hello”. I stopped half-way through my 10^th spin because she appeared right in front of me. She looked confused.

“Oh.” I said like I’d just been caught listening to Miley Cyrus, “What’s up?”

“Eh, not much. Work work work. Too much work.”

“Well stop woking so much then.” I laughed.

“The money’s too good.”

“Yeah, but you’ll never be able to enjoy it if you’re always working.”

“True. But…” her voice went down to a whisper, “My mom’s been having money problems, so I want to help her out.” I couldn’t really argue with that.

“Let’s go outside.” I needed privacy in order to spit my mad game. Our moms were coming home soon, so I figured I had to move fast. But I couldn’t find the perfect moment that I had last time. I didn’t realize that moments like those only come around once every thousand tries until after our moms came home.

“Are we leaving now?” She asked her mom. My heart dropped so far into my stomach that I thought it was gonna come out my asshole.

“Nah, we’re staying for a little bit.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Still, I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I thought about it as we talked. Then, as I wondered how to get her alone, something clicked in my head that made me go, “fuck it”.

“Hey, I need to talk to you before you leave.” I told her with confidence.

“Oh, okay. Let’s go over there.” She motioned toward the otherside of the patio. All my confidence melted in that second.

“Oh, it doesn’t have to be n–” It was too late, she was already going over there. I followed.

“What’s up?” she said cheerfully.

I felt sick. “I… umm…” I was losing it. I was buckling under pressure. “Sorry, this is hard for me.” I mumbled. Spit it out, dipshit! “I kinda have a crush on you.” Not exactly what I had planned, but it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders. Yes, I could’ve executed the whole thing a bit better, but at least I could say I had tried my best. And that was a big step up from not trying at all. For a second there, I forgot that she hadn’t answered.

“Aww. That’s really sweet.” Fuck, “You know what I think it is though? I think you just need to meet more girls. You haven’t hung out with that many girls. And I think as you meet more girls, you’ll be able to have a whole stable of girls that you’ll be able to choose from. You just need to get out there more.”

“Uh, I’m trying.” I said meekly, “It’s just hard for me to meet people.” How did this turn into me defending myself?

“Why? I mean, you’re a pretty cocky guy.”

“Not really. I’m pretty shy until you get to know me.”

“Well, you just gotta keep trying. But I do appreciate you telling me. That took balls. Most guys don’t have the balls to tell me, but you did.”

“Thank you.” I said, not sure if I should be happy or sad.

“Come on, let’s get you drunk.” she said. I guess I’d be happy that night.

***

The rejection didn’t really hit me until a few days later, when she updated her status to say how she was swooning over that other musician guy. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut. For the first time in my life, I hadn’t been good enough. I cried that whole night and was depressed the whole day.

“Nick, take me to Sunset Cliffs.”

“Baby steps, Raul. Baby steps.” Nick told me as we watched the sunset.

“Fuck baby steps. I’ve waited long enough, I should’ve gotten it right on the first try.”

“That may be, but no one ever does. You almost did though, look at how far you’ve come. Three months ago you couldn’t even talk to a girl [link Speechless]. Now look at you.”

“Rejected and hopeless?”

“A few months ago you weren’t even in a position to get rejected.”

“I guess.” I said as the last shimmer of sunlight skipped into the horizon, “Fuck this sunset. Let’s go to Hooters and see some titties.”

EPILOGUE: I didn’t see her until three weeks later and even then she only stopped by to pick something up from my mom. I always called and texted her, but she never had the time for me. So I just stopped calling. I still see her now and then, but it’s not the same. Whatever romantic feelings I had for her are gone, but she’ll always hold a special place in my heart. I had taken a big step in my life and she was a big part of it.